Tapas in Trainers (Or 'How Trying to Run 13 Miles has Messed with my Mind')

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In 4 sleeps I have to run the furthest I have ever run in my whole life.

It’s (only) a half marathon; and I say ‘only’ because I know there are people doing incomprehensibly physically and mentally challenging things every day. And to be honest I wish they’d stop because I shouldn’t feel like I need to call my challenge ‘only’ 13 miles. Pack it in, you lot; you’re making the rest of us look bad.

Anyway. Despite the fact I’m quite bendy, and can get through a fairly challenging 2 hour yoga practice with only a small amount of whimpering and a bit of swearing, it turns out that does not make one immediately able to run for the same length of time.

Who knew?!

Me. I know now.

Training has not been fun. I’m feeling woefully underprepared. (But I do now own some new running socks, a new running belt/water bottle combo, and have ordered some fake sunflowers to attach to my running attire, all of which totally makes up for missing those few training runs.)

What I have found particularly interesting (although not really surprising) is that it’s my mind that gives me trouble way before my body does. I’ve barely left the house and the voice in my head is telling me how tight my calves are, how much my knees hurt, that the burning in my lungs is really bad, and that soiling myself/rupturing an artery/annihilating a hamstring is inevitable, so I should probably stop now.

In the world of yoga we have a term which is ‘tapas’. Sadly, in this case, it does not refer to delicious small plates of Spanish delicacies. Tapas literally means heat, fire or discipline. It relates to the transformative nature of an experience that pushes you through your comfort zone and brings your mind up against its own perceived limits. It is the metaphorical fire that burns off all the stuff which has held you back, so that you can evolve into an even better version of yourself.

Spoiler alert – when you’re incorporating tapas into your life it probably isn’t going to be the most fun time. But if you can get through it then you’ll emerge, like a phoenix from the flames, transformed, stronger….and possibly a bit sweatier.

So when I’ve been pounding the pavements over the last few months, and particularly when I’ve had to up the mileage and deal with an even louder voice in my head, I’ve been trying to channel the tapas. When stuff gets uncomfortable, instead of trying to ignore it and shut it down (because it just gets louder) I’ve been trying to embrace it. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not some sort of masochist but if I can realise that every minute or mile that I push on through, I’m burning off more of the crap that has been weighing me down and holding me back – physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Some days it has been all about the fear of setting up my own business, whilst other days I’m fighting through the pain of missing my Dad and coming to terms with his death. Then there are the other times when it’s a mixture of being unkind to my body for the last 23 years, facing up to the fact that I probably won’t have kids, re-playing every dysfunctional relationship I’ve ever had, remembering every time I feel like I’ve failed at something, and getting my head around the fact that I’m 40 this year.

I did warn you that tampering with tapas isn’t fun. It’s a cornucopia of unpleasant surprises as something ‘new’ comes up to bite you in the Gluteus Maximus. But with every sweaty, angry, sore, really-feckin-annoying step I take, and every time I decide to keep going instead of stopping, I burn a little bit more of one of them off.

I’m still not filled with delight at the thought of 13 miles on Sunday; it’s something I never thought I’d do and am still not sure if I can. It’s still going to be the longest distance I’ve run with my body, but more than that – it might just be the furthest I’ve come in my head. And I’m on fire, baby!

I’m running the London Parks Half Marathon in aid of The Macular Society - Macular Degeneration didn't kill my Dad (a dodgy ticker did that) but it stripped away so much of the person he was, that it stole his life away in cruel, brutal, increments. The more sight he lost, the smaller his life became. I don't want anyone to die like that. So please, if you can donate a bit of dosh to make every painful sweary step a bit more bearable I'd be ever so grateful.... www.justgiving.com/fundraising/13milesforthewoo

Can't be arsed to do asana?

Mention that you ‘do yoga’ to pretty much anyone, and you’ll probably get one of these responses; 1.) Ooh you must be really bendy. 2.) I wish I could do yoga but I’m not bendy. 3.) Does someone always break wind in class?

Ignoring the one about flatulence, it can be a common misconception that yoga is all about the stuff we do on a sticky mat. It’s easy to understand why when almost everything we see about yoga usually involves someone being bendy. After all, a photo of someone being compassionate isn’t going to get you much social media action – regardless of whether or not the person doing it is in Lycra.

The silver lining to this is that even on those days when wild horses couldn’t drag you onto a yoga mat, there are still oodles of opportunities to practice. The even better news is that some of them are actually enjoyable!

We know that yoga is an art and science through which we can create an enduring connection between our body, mind and spirit. Through it we get happier and healthier on every level, by being able to live in equanimity regardless of what life flings at us.

Of course, it’s easier said than done, but if you’re looking for the closest thing to a ‘How To…’ book, Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras is where to start. Despite being many thousands of years old, it offers us a framework on which to build our yoga practices, which is still relevant here in the good ole’ 21st century.

If we look at the eight different ‘limbs’, or pathways, first of all it becomes obvious that one is no more important than any of the others. (Nope – not even getting a foot behind your head. Sorry about that.)  There’s no one-size-fits-all approach, so just by practicing some of these we’re still doing our yoga.

Kindness is King

Ahimsa is a term that comes up quite a lot in yoga, and it’s definitely open to a million interpretations. But the one thing we can all agree on is that it’s more than just non-violence. It can be as simple as an intention to be kind in thought, word and deed. And if you really want to challenge yourself, try being kind to yourself in thought, word and deed first.

Once you’ve got kindness nailed, how about moving through your day with an attitude of friendliness to everyone regardless of how they are towards you?

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not suggesting you to walk around all day with a fake saccharine smile on your face, or being superficially pleasant to people. But consider how you can bring your best expression of kindness, as often as you can – even when you’re tired, got PMT, and the person in front of you took the last seat on the bus.

Tell the truth.

You’re probably going to find this suggestion as a foundation of any set of guidelines of ‘how to be a good person’ so no surprises that it forms a part of our yoga texts too. In the yoga sutras it’s called ‘satya’, but it’s more than just omitting the truth about whether or not you had the last chocolate in the box, or how often you floss your teeth.

It’s also about walking your talk. Finding positive principles to live by – and doing it. You know the subtle, gnawing feeling when you’re not living your truth, whether that’s telling a massive porkie-pie or just a little omitting of  honesty. It just doesn’t feel good.

Spoiler alert – it isn’t easy. The best way of summing it up is perhaps through this great quote by Gloria Steinem – “the truth will set you free, but first it will p*ss you off”.

No nicking.

The fact you’re reading Om Magazine shows that you’re obviously a human being of impeccable moral fiber. But the fact is, we’re all thieves. We’re all stealing stuff that isn’t ours (what Patanjali calls ‘asteya’).

I’m going to take a guess and assume that none of use are quite at the level of running off with the Crown Jewels, or even being light-fingered in the local corner shop. Without awareness, however, we can be unconsciously taking things which aren’t ours to take.

You can suggest that taking a little bit of stationery from the office isn’t the end of the world. Likewise not owning up when the waiter accidentally doesn’t charge you for a drink. And surely taking praise for something that wasn’t all your idea won’t hurt?

This definition of non-stealing doesn’t just mean that we shouldn’t take what’s ours, but we should also be mindful of taking advantage of a situation so that it unfairly benefits us. If it hasn’t been freely given to you – don’t take it.

Perfectly pure.

‘Saucha’ is loosely defined as cleanliness or purity. Sadly, just having a good wash isn’t quite going to cut it (although it’s an excellent place to start) because it refers to your inner and outer world.

Asana is great for getting our body and mind working well but it’s not the only way. Pranayama (breathing techniques) plays an essential part in keeping the home of our spirit (our body – not the drinks cabinet) clean too.

But if we want to bring the quality of saucha into our lives, we can start with a good ole’ spring clean. You know how good it feels to finally do that massive de-cluttering mission – that’s saucha. And if clearing out under the bed hasn’t scared you, have a go at de-junking your mind too; find all those thought patterns which no longer serve you and clear them all out.

The Excuse Annihilator

What’s up there in your ‘Top 5 Reasons Why I Can’t Do Yoga’? Get a nasty rash from Lycra? Incense makes you cough? Ears bleed at the first hint of an out of tune ‘om’?

Maybe not.

I’m not going to go on a big rant about how the most important thing anyone should find the time for is keeping themselves mentally, physically and emotionally healthy. I’m also not going to remind you how if your life is that busy, and if that many people are relying on you to do stuff, then surely it’s even more important that you take care of yourself?

I won’t do that because I know you know that already.

But what I am going to do is make it harder for you to find excuses as to why can’t/won’t get off you’re a*se and into an asana.

Excuse Annihilator #1: Your bed does not control you.

Get up ten minutes earlier and do it before you do anything else in your day. (Apart from putting on appropriate clothes. Trust me – however much your partner loves you NO ONE WANTS TO SEE YOU NAKED IN A DOWNWARD DOG.)  Leaving it ‘til later in the day won’t work because something else will always happen. Worse case scenario  - you do have that elusive ten minutes later in the day so you can do it all again. Bonus!

Excuse Annihilator #2: Some things in life are tough when you start. Suck it up and do it anyway.

Guess what? Doing new stuff for the first time is hard. Shocker, eh? Trouble is, when we’re grown-ups we forget what it’s like to be so excited about something we work and work and work at it ‘til we can do it. Riding a bike, learning to rollerskate, memorising Bananarama’s whole routine to ‘Robert DeNiro’s Waiting’ – whatever it was, we worked for it. Nothing has changed, apart from our attitude (and hopefully music taste).

Excuse Annihilator #3:  Change isn’t comfortable.

For most of us, when we start out, yoga is most definitely a predominantly physical practice. You’re going to be using bits of your body that probably haven’t been asked to do very much for a fairly long time. But the more uncomfortable you are, the more your body and mind fights back, and the more you find yourself hating every moment, the more you need this practice in your life.

Excuse Annihilator #4: It can cost you almost nothing.

Personally, I would recommend that you get yourself a yoga mat because they’re designed to try and stop you doing yourself an injury a la Bambi on Ice. If you shop around you can get really cheap ones which will definitely do the job when you’re starting out. I’m talking under £15. Still can’t afford it? Stop buying posh coffee every day on your way to work and you’ll have it covered in around a week.  Then get on the internet. There are so many totally free-of-charge (and good) yoga videos out there. Yes, learning with a teacher in the same room/country/continent as you is the ideal, but if it’s doing this or doing nothing – you know which one you should do.

When Good Yoga Feels Bad.

I’m going to take a guess that you started doing yoga because you wanted to be healthier and happier, right? I think that would be the same for most of us. Whether we were doing it for our minds, bodies, or to get arms like Madonna (yes – that was me) we wanted yoga to have a positive impact on our lives.

And in our defense, we had no reason to think that yoga would bring us anything other than good stuff. Ok – so some of the poses are a bit uncomfortable, and trying to reign in our monkey minds in meditation can be a bit of an effort. But a quick internet search showed us all those photographs of bendy people and they were all so happy, and before we knew it we were in our first Downward Dog, and for the most part we felt happy too.

But then something happens. Having lured you in, yoga bites back. The practice that you turned to for goodness is suddenly bringing you nothing but grief. You could be suddenly ravaged by rage in pigeon pose; sucker-punched with sadness in child’s pose; or crippled by crying in a backbend.

In the yoga sutras Patanjali tells us that all asana should be “sthira sukham asanam” – asana should be stable and comfortable. What he fails to mention is that it can also make you feel really rubbish. Anyone know what the Sanskrit is for ‘want to punch someone’ or ‘tear-soaked yoga mat’?

Of course, if we’d read the yoga small print we’d have realised that mind, body, and emotions are all connected. You can’t work with one without it having an effect on the other.  So, if something is bothering you (or has bothered you) emotionally, mentally or spiritually then it’s likely to show up somewhere in your body. And like an annoying older brother, asana is there to keep on poking and poking and poking until there’s an emotional eruption.

Sometimes it doesn’t happen whilst you’re in class; you might have had one of the most blissful, sublime or bendy practices you’ve ever had. Yet 28 minutes after leaving you find yourself having a little cry in the toilets at work, or inexplicably angry at a stapler.

Whenever and wherever it happens, these little episodes are completely normal. Think of it a bit like Spring cleaning; stuff that makes you feel warm and fuzzy has to be sorted through as well as things which you’d rather forget. When you find the break up letter that devastated your teenage heart, or the faded t-shirt you bought at your first ever gig, it’s all got to be looked at and dealt with before you know the job is done, and you can start afresh.   

Don’t be downhearted, and maybe use some of these tips to make you feel a bit better;

1.) Remember you’re normal.

The good news is – this is all fine. Yes it can feel bewildering and weird at the time, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling ‘bad’ in yoga. It does not mean that you should stop, or that you’re doing it wrong. (In my opinion if it’s bringing up your “stuff” then you’re doing it perfectly!)

2.) Investigate…

When you feel these emotions coming up, rather than immediately reacting to them, see if you can take a moment and be curious. Unless you’re in excruciating discomfort, stay where you are and breathe. Are there any clues as to what this might be about? A situation in your life you’ve been struggling to deal with? Or something you’ve been doing your best to ignore? This can be a brilliant opportunity to hold up a magnifying glass to what’s really going on and, importantly, how you can address it.

3.) …but don’t interrogate!

If you’ve been able to breathe through what’s going on, and you’re getting no answers at all, then that’s fine. Sometimes the emotions that come up are not related to anything we’re consciously aware of, or even about stuff that we can remember. Recognise that you don’t always need to know, and that feeling the emotion is totally valid for you right here, right now.

4.) Notes to self.

By writing down when these emotions come up, what they feel like, perhaps what pose you were in at the time, you might be able to spot a pattern. Knowledge is power, so if stuff is coming up regularly it’s obviously going to need you to put a bit more attention on it. Even just the act of writing about what happened can be immensely helpful in understanding what happened.

5.) Ride the wave.

It’s a cliché – but know that this too shall pass. It’s only temporary, and is a valuable sign that things are beginning to change for the better. Don’t let it stop you from finishing your practice, or from avoiding the practice altogether. Despite being left a sobbing mess on numerous occasions by twists and backbends, to name just two of the big-hitters, I’ve never regretted getting back on my mat and riding the wave to the end of my practice.

6.) Feel or flee.

To quote my Mum (and probably everyone else’s Mum too) when emotions like this come to the surface, they really are “better out than in”. This is not a time to be British (even if you’re not!) with the stiff upper lip, and as much as you can, let it all out. But - if you really can’t bear to let the façade drop, promise yourself to think more about it later. Can you postpone it? This is not the same as pretending it never happened, but committing to allowing yourself to feel it later when you’re somewhere quiet and in a space that feels safe to you.

7.) Talk about it.

Remember that it is absolutely fine and normal for stuff like this to happen. But if it is becoming a regular occurrence talk about it to someone. If you feel comfortable, chat to your teacher, who has more than likely had their own little yoga-induced meltdown more than once. They could help you understand what might be going on, and give you some useful tips on how to manage it and come out the other side.

8.) Exorcise the energy.

At their very basic level, emotions are just energy and sometimes they’ve just got to get out! Even those that feel really negative can be powerful catalysts for positive change. If nothing else is working for you, breathe, smile, accept whatever it is you’re feeling, but above all give yourself a hefty dose of self-love. These emotions do not make you a ‘good’ or ‘bad’ person – you are still you. And you are amazing. 

THIS IS NOT YOGA! Yoga can be ugly; and I want to see it.

If you’ve read any of my other slightly shouty blogs, you’ll know that when it comes to getting on my yoga mat I ain’t exactly always full of love for it. Some days it hurts; some days it brings up all the rubbish things I’m trying to avoid; some days it makes me feel as yogic as an angry wasp trapped inside a fat man’s shirt.

On a bad day it brings up my ‘stuff’ because I am always far too ready to tell myself that I’m rubbish at it. When I’m struggling to get into what would be considered basic poses by lots of teachers, it’s not just the physical stuff I’m fighting with – it’s the mental stuff too. Even if my practice has been bearable, on those there will always be little things I think I should have changed, or tried harder at, or persevered with.  

So the last thing I want to do is then get off my mat and have photographs of people doing everything I can’t do (and looking way more beautiful than me whilst they’re doing it) fired at me 24 hours a day.

Why am I ranting about this today? Well, I finally got myself an Instagram account at the weekend (I know – get me running headlong into the 21st century). It’s great isn’t it? I mean, you make sure that you never miss an opportunity to feel totally insecure about your arse/your kids/your clothes/your diet/your cat/your yoga practice. You can log on to that little site whenever you like and they’re all right there - waiting to make you feel shit about yourself.

Because I’d used a hashtag (yep – I even know the lingo) other yoga accounts have started to follow me. One of them describes themselves as ‘Your daily source of yoga inspiration. The most beautiful yoga photos and quotes. Tag your photos to be featured.’ Sounds nice, right? Wrong. I took a look at their account and whilst I admit that some of the photos are beautifully lit, almost every single one features a ridiculously bendy (and, funnily enough, ‘perfectly’ toned) woman doing poses that most of us won’t get close to in our next lifetime, let alone this one.

It could be just me, but I fail to see how these images are going to do anything for the majority of us who have to drag ourselves on to our mat, but piss us off.

These images are not yoga. Show me a photograph of someone finally getting their heels to the floor in a downward dog, or managing to not hit the foetal position in a forward bend, or finding a bind for the first time without flailing their arms like a dying bird. That is yoga – and it isn’t pretty. But man, it’s powerful. Or – and here’s a controversial thought – a photograph of someone going out into the world, living their best life and not being a d*ck towards other human beings.

For me yoga inspiration is someone pushing up into their final backbend despite feeling that the opening of their heart is about to unleash a whole heap of emotional shit onto them for the rest of the day. It’s about the person who remembers how they found the courage to hold Chair Pose for more breaths than they ever thought possible, the next time they step into a tough meeting at work. I want to see a photograph of the person who is learning that finding compassion for themselves for the 60 minutes they spend on the mat is more valuable than ever getting their leg in the vicinity of their head.

I don’t do yoga because I want my body to look what is promoted by most of the Western World as ‘fit’. (I fully admit now that I do have issues about my body, but I can honestly say that is not the primary reason I get on my mat – the ‘fitness’ is a happy by-product). Despite the fact that I took part in my first Ashtanga class to get arms like Madonna, I’ve recently realised that getting rid of my spare tyre is far less important than getting rid of my emotional baggage.

Some annoying person on a motivational poster once said “what doesn’t challenge you doesn’t change you” and I know that for my own mental, spiritual and physical wellbeing I need to keep on changing. And I think the best way for me to do that is yoga. But I need to remember that I’m never going to change into one of those perfect yogis in the photographs, and that my ugly is actually exactly the same as their beautiful.

If you're not bendy; not thin; not a girl clad only in Lycra; not a kale-lover; not willing to compromise your real life but want to feel happier and healthier - you should *totally* join our gang. Classes for the un-bendy are starting on Saturday 1st July in Crystal Palace, London. Get all the details here.....

Rise and don't whine.

It’s that time of year again. The onesie comes out of storage. The blankets get added to the bed. We start eating our own bodyweight in carbohydrates. Nights draw in, days get shorter and the urge to hibernate is almost irresistible.

If dragging yourself out of bed for an early morning yoga practice was going to feel impossible at any time – it’s now. I’m sure there are people who feel nothing but joy as they fling the duvet off, feel the cold air rush in around their previously toasty-warm nether regions, and skip their way to their mat. They are obviously weirdos.

The normal ones amongst us press ‘snooze’ approximately 17 times before telling ourselves that we’ll practice later/we can’t get up now because the cat looks so comfortable/it won’t do us any harm to have a day off/ we might have a headache coming on if we really think hard about it/we just physically can’t get out of bed.

As a fully paid-up member of Bed Addicts Anonymous, I’ve been there and I’ve used all those excuses (and sometimes still do). But getting up and getting onto your mat really is one of the best ways to start the day for your body AND your mind. Plus you get to wear a smug grin all day, and that should never be underestimated as a benefit.

Try some of these ideas to help you get from slumbering to sun salutations as painlessly as possible…

Start before you sleep.

Commit to your morning practice before you go to bed. If you’re still getting used to early mornings, do yourself a favour and don’t plan to practice after a crazy night out! Obvious but true, getting up is going to be a whole lot harder if you’ve not had enough sleep and are still full from a massive dinner or feeling hungover. So get an early night and eat a light dinner allowing plenty of time for digestion before hitting the hay. Make sure you go to bed hydrated – a tasty mug of herbal tea will help. And yes, it might make you get up for a wee in the night but I’d rather have to do that than feel all dry and parched when I wake up. 

Lay it out.

Before you go to bed the night before, set out everything you’re going to need. And I mean everything. If you’re going to need a hot drink before you start, fill the kettle ready to boil and put the tea bag in the cup. Lay your clothes out so you’re not frantically trying to find clean pants or a warm jumper. Roll out your mat and prepare your practice area. (Mine is right next to my bed so it’s waiting for me when I wake up; it’s strangely motivating – seeing it when I pry my eyes open makes me feel like it will be sad if I don’t get up and spend time with it. No. That’s not odd.) Set out any props you’ll need, blankets, cushions, a bottle of water if you need something to sip whilst you practice.

Don’t be alarmed.

If I have to get straight up the first time my alarm goes off I feel physically sick. No, really. I need it to go off three times before I’m ready to get vertical. But others just need one little chirp from their phone and they can be up and at ‘em straight away. Know what works for you, but set some rules. If you were going to class you’d make sure you were there in good time for it to start, so approach your own practice with the same respect and diligence. Decide what time you want to be on your mat and stick to it.

Ditch the duvet. NOW!

Once you’re awake, it can still feel like actually getting up and out of bed is the equivalent of crossing the Grand Canyon on a pogo stick. You know where you’ve got to go – you might even be able to see it. But you’re warm. And cozy. And you could just….NO! The only way to do this is like ripping off a sticking plaster. Don’t even take a moment to ask yourself if you want to get up and practice because (unless you’re one of those aforementioned weirdos) the answer is always going to be ‘no’. I have a rule which I have set for myself – once I have counted from one to three I have to get out of bed. Immediately. (Yes, I know it sounds like something you’d do with a small child, but that’s an indication of what it takes to cajole my mind and body into working together.)

Stick to the plan.

Your plan needs to be sticky, just like your mat. We’ve talked about setting yourself up with all the things you need so that they’re ready when you wake, but be aware of the things you don’t need too. I keep my phone on flight mode until I’ve finished practicing so I can’t see if any emails have arrived, and taking a “quick” look at Facebook can’t be an autopilot reaction. Do yourself a favour and don’t put potential distractions in your own way.

Quality not quantity.

You’ll be only too aware that the mind can be a tricky little thing, which can flit between being our best friend and our worst enemy quicker than you can say “I love my pyjamas”. If you’re telling yourself that not only do you have to get up way earlier than you want to, but you’ve also got to do a 90 minute challenging, twisting, folding, back-bending, prana-stoking practice, staying in bed is going to feel like the much better option. So whilst you’re getting used to practicing at this time of the day, commit to something that you know you’ll manage – maybe 5 sun salutations, 3 standing postures, 3 seated postures, and some finishing poses. Worst case scenario is you finish feeling great and thinking “ooh I could do a bit more next time”.

Don’t expect exceptional.

These straight-out-of-bed practices are highly unlikely to be the most graceful, delicious, bendy and beautiful times you spend on your mat. Your body will be cold and stiff. Your mind will be telling you all sorts of untruths about how tired you are, how this is never going to go well, and that you should give in right now. But as soon as you accept that place where you’re starting from, all will be well. You learn to come to your mat with the body you’ve got in that moment, and to work with no expectations. As long as you maintain a feeling of curiosity then you’ll never leave your mat disappointed – just a little bit enlightened!

Remember why it’s worth it.

We all know why it’s so good for us to get our asana’s up and onto a mat at the start of the day, but it’s very easy to forget when we feel like our duvet has taken us hostage.  As you stumble to the mat remember that you’re not alone. Allow the fact that there are literally millions of other yogis across the world who are doing the very same thing give you a feeling of support. Folks have been doing it for generations before us, and will continue to do so after us. Each and every one of us is getting out of bed and onto a sticky mat to become the happiest and healthiest versions of ourselves – for our own benefit and that of the whole world.  Hitting the snooze button will never feel as good as that.

Down Dogs at your Desk: Working nava to pancha.*

(*'Nava' is sanskrit for 9 and 'pancha' is sanskrit for 5. So this headline is 'Working 9 to 5' but in sanskrit. Sort of. And I know a headline you have to explain is a rubbish headline - but I was proud of it. So there.)

Just because we've all had to finally put on some real clothes, stop eating Ferrero Rocher for breakfast, and desperately try to remember what the new password for our office PC was, there's still some reasons to be happy….And whilst you try to remember what they are, how about doing some breathing and bending at your desk?

Remember to do these moves gently – you won’t be warmed up so focus on your breathing, with balanced inhales and exhales. Stop if you feel pain or extreme discomfort. Also, if you’re using a chair which has wheels, ensure it’s not going to unexpectedly roll across the floor. This may end in much hilarity for your colleagues (depending on how nice they are), but an awkward trip to A&E for you. 

Folding not filing

Put your bum on the edge of the chair and place feet flat on the floor, wider than hip width apart. Inhale – lift and lengthen your spine. On an exhale, fold from your hips and take your hands to the floor in between your feet. Inhale once more to get even more length in your spine, then fold down between your knees. If your hands won’t reach to the floor, you can place them on some books, or rest them on your shins. To juice it up a bit and throw in a shoulder release too, interlace your hands behind you with straight arms, and take the hands up and behind your head. Stay here for as many breaths as feel good. Come up slowly on an inhale. If anyone is giving you a strange look, smile sweetly at them before going down again, just to confuse them.

Happy Hips

Bring your bum to the edge of your chair. With your right foot flat on the floor, bend your left knee and lift it up towards your chest. Flex your left foot, and carefully place the knobbly bit of your left ankle on the top of your right knee. Keep your hand on the left knee to support it. Inhale, and sit up as tall as you can. On an exhale see if you can allow the left knee to drop down towards the floor. If it’s comfortable to sit here, and if your shin is parallel to the floor you can take a gentle forward fold to add a bit more ‘ooomph’ to the release. Stay here for as many breaths as feel good, and don’t forget to do the other side.

Getting Twisted

Place your left foot up on your seat, with the knee up against the back of the chair. Rest your left hand on your left hip and your right hand on the back of the chair. Inhale, lift and lengthen your spine – a golden thread is lifting you up through the top of your head. On an exhale imagine that you have a light shining from your belly button. Begin to twist your torso, shining this imaginary light as far round to the left as possible. You can use your hand on the back of the chair as gentle encouragement to take the twist a bit deeper. With each inhale lift and lengthen a bit more, and see if you can twist deeper with each exhale. Feel all your organs getting a lovely squeeze, and your spine waking up, before doing it all over again on the other side.

Stretch it Out

A simple one but a delicious one! Stand up, and cross your left leg over your right. Stand equally on both feet. (If this makes you wobble, you can also leave your legs uncrossed.) Inhale and lift your left palm up to the ceiling, keeping the left shoulder down and away from your ear. Hold your left wrist with your right hand. Inhale –get lovely and long, then exhale and arch to the right. Try not to collapse down through the right side – imagine both sides of your torso keeping lovely and long. Ground down evenly through both feet. Stay here, breathing evenly, for as long as you like. Now do the other side so that you’re not all wonky.

Armed not Dangerous

A great one to freak out your co-workers as it looks like you’ve put your arms on the wrong way round. Stand in front of your desk. Put both hands flat on the desk, shoulder width apart, with the fingers spread. Now gently turn both hands so that the fingers on your right hand turn clockwise, and the fingers on your left hand turn anti-clockwise. Turn them both around as far as you comfortably can, without losing connection to the desk. Once you’ve turned so that the middle fingers of both hands are now pointing towards you, very gently lean away, keeping the heal of each hand in contact with the desk, to make the stretch down your forearms a little more intense. Don’t forget to breathe.

Thigh and mighty

If you’re a bit wobbly when on one leg, you can rest a hand on the desk so that you don’t end up face down in the recycling bin. Simply shift your weight into your left foot, bend your right knee and take hold of your right foot with your right hand, gently drawing the heel towards your right bum cheek. Keep your tail bone gently tucked under to encourage a feeling of releasing through the front of your right hip and thigh. If holding your foot with your hand is going to be so intense you let out a little yelp, don’t do it. Loop a scarf around your foot and hold that instead. Again, stay here for as many breaths as feel good then do the other side.

Desk Downward Dog

Ok – so this does involve a little bit of sticking your bum in the air, but if you can get away with it, I highly recommend it. Put both hands on your desk, shoulder width apart, fingers wide. Feel the base of each finger gently pushing down into the desk. Slowly walk your feet back until your torso is parallel to the floor. Feet should be hip width apart. Roll your shoulders down away from your ears and feel your shoulder blades spread wide. Draw your belly button up towards your spine, and feel long from the backs of your heels all the way up to the tips of your fingertips. Let your gaze rest on the floor, or to the space between your knees if that’s comfortable. Breathe, smile, and pay no attention to the awkward throat-clearing noises of your colleagues.

 Chaturanga Desk-asana

If you’ve had the courage to bust out a Desk Downward Dog, you might as well go for it and get your whole body working with this chaturanga variation. From your Desk Downward Dog, lift your torso up away from the floor. For extra grip I suggest you move your hands so you’re gripping the edge of the desk. Take an inhale. On an exhale, slowly lower your torso as one flat plank, bending your elbows at 90 degrees. Keep the belly button drawn up and keep breathing. To generate maximum commotion in the office, you can keep moving between your Down Dog and Chaturanga. Or not. Depending on when your next appraisal is. 

Sofa - so good.

If you’ve read any of my other blogs (and if you haven’t – why the flippity flip not?) you’ll have probably worked out that whilst I think yoga is all-kinds-of-amazing, and has very real life-changing potential, I am not the ‘you must spend 90 minutes on a mat every day or you’re a rubbish yogi’ kinda’ girl.

Of course, in an ideal world we’d all spend some quality time with our favourite flat friend every day. And if you want your practice (and your self) to significantly develop then the more you can do the better.

But we ain’t in an ideal world. If the only opportunity you can find to bend and stretch is whilst indulging in your favourite televised guilty pleasure, then I think you should take it. And here are some ideas how…

Before you start, remember that your body won’ t be warmed up so move carefully. Use your breath. Maybe turn the volume down (in the ad break, obviously!) so that you can have a little more focus on what you’re doing.

Cow Face on the Couch

Tuck your right heel up towards your left bum cheek. Take your left heel to the outside your right bum cheek. See if you can allow the two knees to stack on top of each other. Sometimes you might need to wiggle a little bit so that you can get your heels equally aligned on both sides. Allow the knees to nestle together, and rest your hands on the top of your feet. Lift up through the spine and sit as tall as you can. Don’t forget to do it on the other side.

Hips at home

Sit with your back supported by the cushions on the sofa. Bring the soles of your feet together, heels as close to your pubic bone as you comfortably can. Be very aware of any strain in the knees. If you feel any tension there, support the stretch by placing a cushion under each knee. Keep thinking of sitting up tall with each inhale, and perhaps taking your torso forwards with each exhale. Breathe and smile. If you can only do one of these things, breathe!

Lounging Locust

Lie along the sofa on your belly, with your upper chest resting on the arm of the sofa. Use a big cushion wedged up against it to help support your torso. Without clenching your bum cheeks, and keeping a feeling of being long through your lower back, gently lift your gaze up to the ceiling. Reach your arms up and forwards, keeping the shoulder blades wide and with a feeling of them sliding down your back. If reaching the arms forwards is too much, you can gently prop yourself on your elbows by resting them on the arm of the sofa. Breathe and remain there for as long as is comfortable.

Pyjama Paschimottanasana

Leave the cushion next to the arm of the chair, and sit so that your heels are resting up on the arm of the chair and the sofa is supporting the backs of your legs. Ensure you’re not locking the knee joints – think of keeping a very tiny bend in both joints. Inhale to life and lengthen the spine, and exhale reach for your toes. If you can’t reach your toes, let the hands rest on the legs instead. Allow each exhale to take your torso a little closer to the legs, without rounding the back. Are you breathing? Good!

Get down, Dog!

Drape yourself face down over the arm of the sofa, feeling it across the front of your hips. Reach for the floor. (If you can’t comfortably get your hands flat on the floor, use some blocks or make some secure stacks with books.) Place your hands shoulder width apart, ensuring you push down at the base of the thumb and first finger. Walk your hands away from the sofa so that you make a diagonal line from wrist, through elbow, all the way through your torso and up to your sitting bones. Activate the legs, pushing back through the heels. Let the head drop, and get long from the tip of your tail-bone up to the top of your head. Don’t forget to breathe.

Upside (not) down

One to make you feel like you’re 6 again. (Creating a Blanket Fort to follow in future editions!) Sit sideways on the sofa so the outside of your bum cheek is up against the back cushion. Turn and swing your legs up so that your feet are either hanging over the back of the sofa, or resting on a wall, with the back of both thighs resting on the cushion. As long as it’s comfortable for your neck, let your head hang off the front of the sofa. Either let your hands rest on your chest, or for an extra opening let your hands reach behind you towards the floor. Stay there for as long as you feel comfortable, and slide yourself back up on to the sofa once you’re done. Move slowly as you may feel a bit wobbly!