1.) If you do yoga and all that stuff, how come you drink booze? Shouldn’t your body be a temple?
To quote my boyfriend on the second time I met him “my body is a temple; I always make people take their shoes off before they enter me.” (Reader, I still fell in love with him.) If I’m going to be a nice person for people to be around, and a nice person for me to be around, then I enjoy lots of things that are ‘bad’ for me but in moderation. I’m a human. Living in the real world, and learning stuff every day. Sorry if that’s a disappointment to you, but I won’t pretend to be something I’m not.
2.) I thought you did yoga – you should be brilliant at Twister.
No I’m not because the only time I ever play Twister is when I’m drunk and usually wearing skinny jeans, neither of which are conducive to flexibility or balance. Or, it turns out, keeping down red wine….
3.) You’re in to yoga? But you’re wearing high heels/mascara/a bra….?
Guess what? I shave my legs too! Spoiler, eh?! I am a massive fan of people who can feel confident, beautiful, and gorgeous when they’re au naturel and padding around in Crocs. And don’t get me wrong, I can have days like that and it’s fine. But when I scrub up, I feel even more confident, beautiful and gorgeous than usual. And as for the bra? I like my Girls where they are, and will do all I can to keep them there for as long as possible.
4.) Don’t you have to go to India a load of times to be a yoga teacher?
How many times have you been to a restaurant? So you’re a chef now, right? No? Exactly.
5.) So you’re bendy then, eh? I bet that means you’re great in bed.
Yes. Yes I am. But I promise that you, Sir, will never find out how or why.
6.) (Whenever you’re unable to perform a taxing aerobic task without breaking into a bit of heavy breathing) But I thought you did loads of yoga?!
Yoga is amazing and it does more positive things for your body and mind than I can possibly list, and it equips you brilliantly for loads of different challenges. But it’s like learning French then being asked to translate something in Spanish. You’ll have the basics so that you’re not completely flummoxed, but there’s a strong chance you’ll end up feeling a bit overwhelmed and clammy at the end of it.
7.) Go on then – do some now!
8.) Oh I can’t do yoga – I’m not flexible at all….
AAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHH! THAT’S. WHY. YOU. DO. YOGA.
*Beats person around the head with a rolled up yoga mat*